(04/29/2023)

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.

        

“So, what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.

 

“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now, I spend my days reading at a retirement home.”

 

The guy is flabbergasted, he turns to the owner and asks, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of a dog like that?”

 

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that.”

​

(04/27/2023)

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees.

 

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The bartender pours the man a drink on the house and the guy puts the rat and piano away.

 

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first.

 

The man reaches into his pockets again and pulls out the tiny rat and tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into a third pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

 

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

 

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"

 

"Don't worry about it," the man answered. "The frog was nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

​

(04/26/2023)

A poodle and a collie are walking down the street when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend’s having an affair with a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.”

 

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist,” suggests the collie.

 

“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”

​

(04/16/2023)

A man boards a plane and is seated next to an Air Marshall and his ‘sniffing dog’.  Soon, the plane takes off and the Marshall says, “Sniffer, search.” The dog walks along the aisle, and stops next to a woman. He then returns to his seat and puts a paw on the Marshall’s arm.

 

“Good boy,” says the Marshall.

 

“What happened?” asks the man.

 

“That woman is in possession of marijuana. We’ll arrest her when we land.”

 

Once again, Sniffer searches the aisles. He stops beside a man, then returns to his seat, and places two paws on the Marshall’s arm. 

 

“That man is carrying cocaine,” the Marshall explains.

 

The dog walks up the aisle again, then races back, jumps into his seat, and puts his head under the Marshall's arm.

 

“What’s going on?!” demands the man.

 

The Marshall nervously replies, “He just found a bomb!”

​

(04/15/2023)

A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?”

 

The dog points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?”

 

The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times. So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops, and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck, and sees him out.

 

A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in. As the owner appears at the door, the customer says, “What a remarkable dog!”

 

“Remarkable?” snorts the owner. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”

​

(04/14/2023)

Halfway through the flight the plane started bucking and rocking side to side from air turbulence.

 

Finally, after a few minutes of calmer air, the flight attendants offered free drinks to the passengers.

 

One attendant asked an older lady, "Would you like a complimentary cocktail, ma’am?”

 

“Absolutely!" she said. “Just give me whatever the pilot's been drinking!”

​

(04/11/2023)

Little Johnny’s teacher saw his attention wandering and decided to shake him up. She said, “Johnny, if the United States has 300 million people, and milk is $3 a quart, then how old will I be next year?”

Johnny said, “30.”

The teacher said, “Well, that’s actually pretty close. How did you calculate that?”

Johnny said, “Easy. My sister’s 15 and she’s only half crazy.”

​

(04/06/2023)

A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store. He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp.

The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom. “First, sweep out the store. Then I’ll show you where the window cleaning equipment is.”

“Sir,” the young man protests. “You can’t be serious. I’m a college graduate.”

“Oh, sorry,” says the manager, pointing to the broom. “No problem. I can show you how that thing works.”

​

(04/04/2023)

Having just graduated from Yale, a young man is fired up to meet his best friend for lunch and map out their futures. He opens his Uber app and calls for a ride.

The car shows up, the young man hops in, and the driver says, “Nice day. How you doin’?”

The graduate replies, “I just got my diploma from Yale. I’m off to go conquer the world.”

The driver says, “Congrats! Nice to meet ya. I’m Howie, Yale 1989.”

​

(03/31/2023)

"Under the old monogamous system, we didn’t have the problem of apportioning Thanksgiving and Christmas among your mother and stepdad, your dad and his third wife, your mother-in-law and her boyfriend Hal, and your father-in-law and his boyfriend Chuck." - Garrison Keillor

​

(03/29/2023)

A husband and wife were celebrating 50 years of marriage with a big anniversary party. At one point they were toasted, then asked what it’s like to be married for 50 years.

 

The wife, known to have a quick wit, replied, “It all seems like five minutes....under water.”

​

(03/28/2023)

A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary. Knowing his wife loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.

 

When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish. The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.

 

Shazam! Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.

 

The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.

 

Shazam! Instantly he turned 93 years old

​

(03/19/2023)

A Physician was speaking about the dangers of certain foods to a large group in Florida.

He told them, "You have to be aware of hidden dangers. Hydrogenated fats are killers. Soda pop melts your tooth enamel and eats away your stomach lining. Most prepared foods are high in sugar, salt, and MSG. Even our drinking water can be harmful if not pure enough.

 

"But there's one food that's the most dangerous of all. Can anybody tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering even years after consuming it?"

 

The audience was silent until an older man in the second row spoke up and said, "Wedding Cake?"

​

(03/18/2023)

A couple bring their new friend over to their house for the first time. The friend is walking through the living room when he stops at the fireplace and picks up an odd-looking jar that caught his eye. "What's this?" he asks.

The host replies, "Oh, that's my Father's ashes."

Startled, the friend turns and accidentally drops the container onto the floor where it shatters and spills the ashes everywhere. "Oh no! OH NO!! I'm SO sorry!" he exclaims.

"Don't worry about it. We'll just clean it up, my Dad can tap his cigarettes into a mug until he buys another jar from Walmart."

​

(03/15/2023)

In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people.

 

It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch.

 

Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.

​

(03/12/2023)

A busload of retired Americans was touring Switzerland. On the third day, they visited a farm known for its excellent quality goat cheese.

 

The young farmer’s wife gave them a tour, a cheese making demonstration, and finally some samples. As the retirees were tasting the cheeses, she pointed to a pasture full of goats. She said, “This is a special pasture where we let our older goats graze happily after they can no longer give milk. In the United States, what do you do with your old goats?”

 

An old lady piped up, “Honey, they take us on bus tours.”

​

(03/08/2023)

Two rednecks are waiting for the bus, and one is holding a large bag.

“What’s in the bag?” asks the other redneck.

 

The redneck with the bag replies, “Porcupines.”

 

“How many porcupines you got in that bag, then?”

 

“I’m not telling you,” says the redneck with the bag.

 

“If I guess how many porcupines you got in that bag will you give me one?” asks the other redneck.

 

“Tell you what, if you guess how many porcupines I got in this bag I’ll give you both of ‘em.”

​

(03/07/2023)

There were two beggars sitting next to each other on the street. One of them had a sign saying "Please Give" next to a large Star of David, while the other had a sign saying "Please Give" next to a large cross.

A man stopped to watch them. He noticed that most people would just pass by the beggar with the Star of David, then stop and make a large donation to the beggar with the cross.

Eventually, he saw enough, and walked over to offer some advice. "Sir, I realize that you must express your faith, but surely you can see how much more money your Christian fellow here is making? If you converted, or even pretended to convert, you'd make much more money." Then he dropped a chunk of money in the beggar's hat and left.

The two beggars watched him go, then the one beggar turned to the other and said "Would you look at that, Moyshe? Some gentile trying to teach the Moskowitz brothers how to do business."

​

(03/06/2023)

A pastor was in the middle of his sermon when he noticed a man had fallen asleep with his head on his wife’s shoulder.

 

“Wake up your husband,” Pastor Riley snapped.

 

The wife smiled and replied, “You put him to sleep. You wake him up.”

​

(03/05/2023)

When the office photo-copies began to look faint, the office manager called in a local repair service. The friendly technician after inspecting the equipment, informed the manager that the machine was in need of a good cleaning.

The tech suggested that someone might try reading the operator's manual and perform the job themselves, since it would cost $100.00, if he did the work. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asks, "Does your boss know you are discouraging business?"

"Actually, my boss demands we explain this to all our customers. After people try first to fix things themselves, we end-up making much more money on repairs"

​

(03/04/2023)

A young grandson asked his grandfather how old he was, and the grandpa teasingly replied, "Well, I'm not exactly sure how old I am."

 

The little boy advised, "You have to look at the label in your underwear, Grandpa. Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

​

(03/02/2023)

A boy came late to Sunday School. Knowing he was usually very prompt, his teacher asked, “Johnny, is there anything wrong?”

 

“No, ma’am, not really,” he said. ”I was going to go fishing, but my dad told me that I needed to get on up and go to church.” The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his father had explained why it was more important to go to church than go fishing.

 

“Yes ma’am, he did,” Johnny said. “My daddy said he didn’t have enough bait for both of us.”

​

(03/01/2023)

An elderly man had dinner at a very nice restaurant. After he finished his wine, he went to the men's room, then walked out through the bar.

 

It was a beautiful evening, so he decided to leave his car in the parking lot and walk home.

When he arrived at his front door, he realized he didn’t have his keys. He finally figured they must be in his jacket pocket, which was still hanging in the restroom.

 

He walked back to the restaurant, found his jacket in the men’s room, and realized he’d left his hat on the table.

 

He strolled back to the dining room to retrieve his hat, and when he got to his table, his wife asked, “Is anything wrong? You took such a long time in there.”

​

(02/28/2023)

God is talking to one of his angels. He says, “Do you know what I have just done? I have just created 24 hours of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn’t that good?”

 

The angel says, “Yes, but what will you do now?”

 

God says, “I think I’ll call it a day.”

​

(02/27/2023)

Bent over and obviously in pain, the old man with a cane hobbled laboriously through the sanctuary and into the pastor’s office while the choir was practicing. Ten minutes later he came out, walking upright and moving with grace and speed.

 

“Good gracious,” the choir director exclaimed. “Did the pastor heal you by faith?”

 

“No,” the old man said with a smile. “He just gave me a cane that wasn’t six inches too short!”

​

(02/26/2023)

Dexter Rice, the Sunday School teacher, was telling his class the story of the Prodigal Son. Wishing to emphasize the resentful attitude of the elder brother, he laid stress on this part of the parable.

 

After describing the rejoicing of the household over the return of the wayward son, Dexter spoke of one who, in the midst of the festivities, failed to share in the jubilant spirit of the occasion. “Can anybody in the class,” he asked, “tell me who this was?”

 

Nine year old Olivia had been listening sympathetically to the story. She waved her hand in the air. “I know!” she said beamingly. “It was the fatted calf.”

​

(02/25/2023)

A woman entered her kitchen and found her boyfriend waving a fly swatter.
"What in heaven's name are you up to?" she asked.

 

"Killing flies," he said.

 

"Oh. Get any?"

 

"Yep, two males, three females," he answered.

 

"Oh come on! How do you tell them apart?"

 

"Two were on a beer can, three were on the phone."

​

(02/24/2023)

Question: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Answer: A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

​

(02/23/2023)

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees.

 

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The bartender pours the man a drink on the house and the guy puts the rat and piano away.

 

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first.

 

The man reaches into his pockets again and pulls out the tiny rat and tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into a third pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

 

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

 

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"

 

"Don't worry about it," the man answered. "The frog was nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

​

(02/22/2023)

A teacher was testing her students' knowledge of words' antonyms. She asked, "What is the opposite go?"

 

A student answered, "Stop."

 

"Very good," the teacher replied. "What is the opposite of adamant?"

 

Another student said, "Eveant."

​

(02/21/2023)

There's a cozy little Christian restaurant called "The Lord Giveth"

 

They also do takeaways.

​

(02/20/2023)

Three men of the cloth hold a meeting to discuss where life begins.

 

The evangelical pastor says, "No question about it, life begins when the child is born."

 

"No, no," says the Catholic priest, "It all starts when the sperm meets the egg."

 

"You're both wrong," says the Jewish Rabbi. "Life begins when the children have left home."

​

(02/19/2023)

A Sunday School teacher, said to her children, 'We have been learning about how powerful the kings and queens were in Biblical times.  But there is a higher power.  Who can tell me what it is?'

 

George blurted out, 'I know, Aces.'

​

(02/18/2023)

In the days when the sun never set on the British empire, the Foreign Office posted Miles Cavendish in Khartoum, Libya. The colonial government had decorated the central square of the city with a dramatic equestrian statue of General Charles George Gordon. Gordon had died heroically in 1885 when Khartoum fell to the troops of the Mahdi after a ten-month siege. Converted into stone, Gordon now forever would survey the city from the back of his spirited horse.

 

Cavendish had one son. The boy was named Charles–after General Gordon, of course. Cavendish was a dedicated British civil servant. His heart swelled with the spirit of imperial obligation and pride. He made it his business to impress his son with the importance of the statue. “That is Gordon,” he said to his son, and bowed his own head in a moment of reverent silence.

 

The boy loved the statue and virtually every day he would run to the square to take a look at Gordon. When the Foreign Office informed the elder Cavendish that he was being transferred from Khartoum to Lahore, the boy’s last deed before leaving was to proceed to the square to say a solemn farewell to Gordon. As Miles watched, his eyes welled up with tears. He said to himself, “Indeed, here beats the heart of a true Englishman. The lad is well named indeed!”

 

On board the steamer to Lahore, the boy turned to his father thoughtfully and said, “Father, I have a question I have always wanted to ask.”

 

“Yes, my son?”

 

“It concerns Gordon. There’s one thing I don’t understand.”

 

“What is that, my son?”

 

“Tell me. Who is that silly looking man who sits on Gordon?

​

(02/17/2023)

Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"

 

Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem. In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."

 

God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.

 

God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.

 

She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.

 

Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"

 

And God replied, "An arm and a leg."

 

Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

​

(02/16/2023)

After service, a stranger approached the pastor and said, “I’d like you to pray for my hearing.”

 

The pastor placed his hands on the man’s ears and said a passionate, earnest prayer.

“How’s your hearing now?” the pastor asked.

 

Looking surprised, the man said, “Well, it’s not until tomorrow.”

​

(02/15/2023)

Amusing Thoughts on Being a Christian

 

Under same management for over 2,000 years.

Soul food served here.

Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk.

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!

Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church.

We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead of the age of rock.

Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case!

Come early for a good seat in the back.

Life has many choices, Eternity has two. What's yours?

The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.

Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.

A man's character is like a fence.  It cannot be strengthened by whitewash.

​

(02/14/2023)

The spiritual difference between dogs and cats?

 

Dogs see that people give them food and water, and they don’t have to do anything. So they think, “These people are giving me food and water and I don’t even have to do anything. They must be Gods.”

 

Cats see that people give them food and water, and they think, “These people are giving me food and water and I don’t have to do anything. I must be a God.”

​

(02/13/2023)

One Christmas morning a man called a taxi company and complained that a cab he ordered to take him to the airport had not arrived. 

The girl who took the call apologized, "I'm very sorry the cab isn't there yet, sir, but don't worry"... "the plane is always late on Christmas." 

"Well, it certainly will be this morning," the caller said in a very un-Christmasy Tone .... "I happen to be the pilot!"

​

(02/12/2023)

An old man dies and at his funeral, the priest starts to speak and pays homage to the deceased: "He was a loving man, a devout Christian, a good husband, and he raised two wonderful sons..."

The widow turns to her son and tells him discretely: "Go up there take a look at the coffin and make sure it's your dad."

​

(02/11/2023)

Imagine serving your husband at the wedding reception and a lady behind you shouted, “He doesn’t like too much salad!”

​

(02/10/2023)

In one Intensive care unit at a hospital, people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled the medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour.

 

Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape.

 

At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

​

(02/09/2023)

On a pirate ship out on the high seas, the First Mate was up in the crow’s nest looking out for danger. Suddenly, a huge wave came from nowhere and slapped the side of the ship so hard it rocked back and forth.

 

The First Mate fell from the crow’s nest, through the upper deck and crashed right into the Captain’s quarters. The Captain strolled into his quarters and, astonished, asked the First Mate if he was alright.

 

“Aye Captain,” the first mate answered, “I be fine, I’ve been through hardships before!”

​

(02/08/2023)

The night before the big day, the groom approached the minister at the wedding rehearsal with a suggestion for the ceremony the next day. He said to the minister, “I’ll give you $100 if you can make a last minute change to my wedding vows. The part where I’m supposed to promise to love, honor, and obey and forsake all others, and be faithful to her forever. Do you think you could just leave that part out all together?”

 

The minister looked at the groom inquisitively and took the cash. The groom walked away satisfied and with a smirk on his face.

 

The next day at the ceremony, it was time for the minister to recite the wedding vows. Sure of his deal, the groom smirks at the minister just before he starts speaking. The minister looked backed at the man and then recited the vows, “Will you promise to lay down before her, obey her every request and demand, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your beautiful wife that you will never so much as glance at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”

 

Nervously and confused, the man replied, “Yes.”

 

He then looked awkwardly at the minister and whispered, “Hey! I thought we had a deal?”

 

The minister quickly pulls out the $100 bill and looks at groom and says, “We did, but your wife made me a much better offer.”

​

(02/07/2023)

9 Things A Mother Would Never Say:

“How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”

“Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.”

“Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery.”

“Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week.”

“Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day.”

“Well, if Johnny’s mamma says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.”

“The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.”

“I don’t have a tissue with me… just use your sleeve.”

“Don’t bother wearing a jacket – the wind-chill is bound to improve.”

​

(02/05/2023)

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
     
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
     

"Now do you understand?" he asked.
     
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

​

(02/04/2023)

Two young boys were whispering outside the church after hearing a scary sermon on the devil.

The first one said, "Satan sounds awful. Do you think he’s real?"

 

The second boy said, "I don’t know, but remember how Santa Claus turned out? It's probably just your dad."

​

(02/03/2023)

A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,"

 

The psychiatrist said, "Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?"

​

(02/02/2023)

An older lady passed away recently. She’d never been married, and she specifically asked that her casket service not have any male pallbearers.

 

Her contract with the funeral parlor stated: "They never took me out when I was alive, so they sure won't be taking me out when I'm dead."

​

((02/01/2023)

A store owner was dismayed when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS!”

 

To make things worse, another store opened on the other side with a huge sign reading “LOWEST PRICES!”

 

He nearly panicked until he had the idea to put up his own sign, bigger that the other two, that read, “MAIN ENTRANCE.”

​

(01/31/2023)

A man was really lonely, so he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: "Wife wanted."

 

He was surprised the next morning to find he had over a hundred replies in his inbox. Unfortunately, they all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

​

(01/30/2023)

A little 3-year-old girl was playing with her miniature tea set. Her father was in the living room and her mother was out shopping.

 

The little girl came out to the living room and offered her father a cup of tea, which was in fact just water. He thought this was really cute, so she did it several more times.

 

When the mother came home, the father had the mother stop and watch the little tea ritual, as her daughter brought the father another cup of tea (water) and he drank it.

 

The mother said, “Very nice. But has it occurred to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”

​

(01/12/2023)

Two guys are driving down 5th Avenue in Manhattan when they come up to a red light. The guy driving slams the gas pedal and they go zooming through the red light.

 

His friend looks at him and says, "Hey, you just went through a red light."

 

The guy driving says, "Don't worry about it. My brother does it all the time."

 

So they keep driving and they come to a second red light. The guy driving slams on the gas pedal and zooms through another red light. His friend is pretty mad, looks at him and says, "Hey man, you just went through another red light. What are you doing?"

 

The guy driving tells his friend, "Don't worry about it. My brother does this all the time."

 

They come to a third red light and the guy driving slams on the gas, zooming through the red light. His friend starts screaming at him, "Hey, you're going to get us killed! Pull over and let me out."

 

The guy driving screams back at him, "I'm telling you, don't worry about it. My brother, he does it all the time."

 

So they keep driving and they come to a green light. The guy driving slams on the brakes. His friend looks at him and says, "Are you out of your mind? What is wrong with you? You go flying through three red lights, almost getting us killed, and then you slam on the brakes when you have a green light?"

 

The guy driving looks at his friend and says, "I had to stop, my brother might have been coming."

 

(01/04/2023)

Says one humorist: “Life is unfair. I lost my car keys at a ball game and never found them. I lost my sunglasses at the beach and never found them. I lost my socks in the washing machine and never found them. I lost three pounds on a diet — I found them and five more.”

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